1. You conceal your vulnerabilities. Behind that strong appearance, though, there is typically a lot of self-doubt. Rather of wasting energy attempting to hide their flaws, mentally strong individuals devote their time to self-improvement. 2. You complain about others. Actively complaining about other people's actions or attitudes will get you labeled as weak. But it's possible to criticize without being critical. 3. You try to solve other people's problems. If you see someone struggling with something, it's natural to want to help them out. However inappropriate that might seem, others will assume you're not capable of handling your own affairs because you haven't made an effort to resolve your issues first. 4. You refuse to make decisions. When faced with choices, most people like to think things through before taking action. However, if you don't make any decisions, then you're leaving important matters unresolved and demonstrating a lack of confidence in yourself. 5. You rely on others to meet your needs. Assuming responsibility for yourself involves being able to meet basic requirements such as eating properly and exercising regularly. If you depend on others to provide these necessities, then you aren't fully responsible for your own life. 6. You allow others to control you. Actively engaging with the world requires being able to stand up for yourself. But if you do so only when forced to, then you have allowed others to dictate your behavior. 7. You waste your energy on negativity.
Here are eight indications that you're simply acting tough:
Being "tough" on oneself, on the other hand, is a type of self-sabotage because, while it feels wonderful in the moment, it generally leads you to overlook the most essential first step in overcoming self-sabotage: identifying what the self-sabotaging action feeds. And you can't do it until you have some self-compassion.
The more you focus on your mistakes and failures, the more they will continue to happen. But if you spend your time feeling bad about yourself for making them, they have no choice but to stop happening.
So the next time you find yourself thinking something like "I'm such a failure," "I'll never get out of debt," or "I should just kill myself," try replacing these negative thoughts with ones that are more compassionate.
For example, if you believe that beating yourself up over failing to save someone's life is helping you become a better person, then changing the thought from "I'm a failure" to "Maybe I need to learn to be more patient," goes a long way toward freeing yourself from self-sabotage.
The more you feed your self-judgment, the more it will keep feeding itself. But when you respond to its messages with kindness, it has no choice but to go away.
The following are six critical indicators that can help you assess if you are perceived as a tough person:
So keep an eye out for any of these subtle signals, since if you find yourself in these circumstances frequently, you are most likely self-sabotaging your development.
When you need to be powerful, you build a protective wall that keeps others out. You become opaque, and as a result, unlovable. Others frequently see fragility as openness and find it endearing. When someone reveals their softer, sensitive sentiments in my work with couples and families, others not only listen—they care. Why do some people draw attention to themselves while others don't? Because the ones who attract notice are revealing something about themselves that they feel compelled to share.
Strength is about being open yet protected at the same time. It's about feeling powerful without appearing threatening. It's about knowing what you want and going after it even if you face opposition from others.
Acting strong shows that you have confidence in yourself, your goals, and what you believe in. It tells others that you're secure and doesn't need to show them how great you are by making yourself look weak or vulnerable.
In relationships, strength is important because it allows for trust. If I cannot trust you will act responsibly, then I cannot allow myself to be vulnerable around you. Acting strong prevents me from showing feelings that may otherwise lead to disappointment or abandonment.
People love seeing the strong survive and thrive. They get a thrill out of witnessing victory over adversity. The more someone draws you in with their eyes, the more you want to know about them.