Being assertive involves being able to speak up for your own or other people's rights in a pleasant and peaceful manner, without being confrontational or passively accepting "wrong." Assertive people can make their points without offending others or becoming angry themselves. They look at the situation objectively and communicate their needs and desires clearly, leaving no room for misunderstanding.
Assertiveness can be used to describe someone who is bold or aggressive in making their wishes known to others, but not everyone who is assertive is also dominant or aggressive. It is possible to be assertive without being either dominant or submissive. Indeed, it is possible to be both assertive and passive at the same time, which some people find confusing. What isn't confusing is if you are not assertive, you will never get what you want from life. Being assertive means having the courage to do what you believe is right even if others disagree with you.
People tend to use three main words to describe someone they think is assertive: confident, courageous, and honest. Although these traits are important in an assertive person, there are other characteristics that may also be present.
An assertive person usually has enough self-confidence to know what they want and how to go about getting it. They are aware of their own limitations and don't try to push themselves beyond their capacity.
Being assertive entails sharing your point of view while remaining respectful of others. Assertive people express their thoughts without apologizing and, as a result, allow others to speak out. Others see them as honest and trustworthy.
Assertiveness entails expressing your point of view in a clear and straightforward manner while also respecting others. Communicating assertively can assist you in reducing conflict. Control your rage and your partner will respect you.
When you communicate assertively, you are giving other people the chance to agree or disagree with what you have to say. You are being honest about your feelings, and you are not forcing your opinion on others. When you communicate assertively, you show that you are comfortable with yourself and you don't need to put others down to make yourself feel better.
People trust others who are confident in themselves. When you communicate assertively, you build confidence in yourself and in others.
Try this exercise to practice how to communicate assertively: Put yourself in your partner's shoes. If someone you cared about said or did something that made you angry, what would you want them to tell you? Listen carefully, and repeat back what you hear. You will be able to come up with a more effective response than "I'm angry too."
1. Recognize assertiveness. Assertiveness is an interpersonal skill in which you display a healthy self-confidence while yet respecting the rights of others. You are neither quiet nor aggressive when you are forceful; instead, you are direct and honest. Being assertive doesn't mean that you cannot be polite or friendly, but it does mean that you speak up for yourself and still keep negative emotions under control.
2. Know your own limits. It's important to recognize when you're being too aggressive, because there is a difference between standing up for yourself and going beyond what you should do. If you act without thinking, you may cause more problems than you solve. Take time out if you need to cool down after an argument or heated discussion.
3. Don't be afraid to lose friends. The only people who are hurt by an assertive person are those who have decided they don't want to be friends with him or her. Being assertive means not being afraid to lose friends as a result of telling them how you feel about something.
4. Express yourself clearly. If you are looking to improve your assertiveness skills, then learning how to express yourself clearly will help you become more comfortable with speaking your mind.
5. Stand your ground. In order to be assertive, you need to know where you stand with other people.